Where Are the Marvelously Mature Women Bloggers?????

I was web-surfing today looking for blogs for the mature woman.  Found a few, but the conversation centered on fashion and make-up.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love fashion, make-up is okay, but what I want is to find a community of MM women who don’t mind sharing those inevitable things that come with aging.  You know the bladder issues where you can go all day and not have to use the restroom until you get in the vicinity of one.  The beard issue –  that facial hair that increases as your eyebrows thin out and the hair down south turns gray.  Home remedies for vaginal dryness and what you eat that gives you gas in a most noxious way.  Even conversations on looking for, or finding ways to just be you were not easy to find.

Like many women of a certain age who find themselves without a job, I am not looking to return to corporate America.  I have become a YouTube fanatic on ways to create streams of income.  And since I believe myself to be multi-talented with a variety of skills and know-how, I’m going to see if I can create a couple of income streams that don’t require me to sit behind a desk all day.  I think I will enhance my YouTube channel that is need of a post.  You can find me at:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAkVRqXJMa7FhbAp1Meuz6g.  There isn’t much there right now, but give me a few days and check me out.

I cook, do crafts and have an opinion about a whole lot of stuff.  So I think posting on my blog and uploading videos (vlogging) is going to be my entrance into a stream of income.  Please walk with me as I venture out.  Maybe you have a suggestion, or maybe you will find information in one of my post that will inspire you to be unapologetically yourself.

Be Blessed
Love You First – ‘cause if you don’t it ain’t nobody’s fault but your own… &
Be Your Unapologetic Self!

The Forever Marvelously Mature 

            Ms. J

    

Hey Ya’ll, It’s a New Year

That title sounds so Southern.  But hey, I was born and raised deep in the heart of Texas so I guess that makes me a Southerner – and I am so proud of it!  Okay, let’s get down to the real nitty gritty.  The year 2015 is now chronicled as history as we enter into a brand new year.  Yeah 2016!!!  Many of us have hopes, dreams and ideas that have been percolating in our minds for a while but we have been too afraid to venture past our comfort zone.   I often hear it said that we are afraid of success and I don’t whole heartedly agree with that assessment.   I think many of us are more afraid of failure than we are of success.   The very thought that our ‘baby’ (you know that idea/dream you want to give birth to) might encounter rejection elicits protection strong enough to hold that baby close and shield it from criticism.   But ladies, we gots to birth that baby.   If we don’t then we are setting our hopes and dreams up for failure.

I want to write.  I love to write but I don’t have a writing pedigree – not one that is easily recognized by employers.   My writing pedigree is derived by the desire to link words together and create a poem or story that can elicit laughter, tears and yes, criticism.   But I am scared mainly because of the negative chatter I have allowed in my head.  Chatter such as:  “What if my comma placement is off” – and it often is?  “What if no one gets what I am trying to say?” “What if I am not as good a writer as I think I am?”.  And the list goes on.  Once I joined a writing group hoping to develop my skills and my writing-esteem.  The experience was awful.  Some of the group members judged your work on how they judged you.  If they didn’t like you, they didn’t like your work.  And, while I think I am soft spoken, easy going and an all-around introvert who tries to treat people they way I want to be treated, somewhere along the way I have failed miserably.   This group did not care for anything that I wrote.  I mean not anything.  Since I considered them as my peers, some of them had even been published, I wanted desperately for them to like my stuff.  I am not a good candidate for abuse so you know I had to let those pigeons fly away.   But before I opened the coop, my writing-esteem built a dam around my creative store of words that originally flowed like water in a stream. I found myself stuck, bound, inhibited and afraid to write.

But heeeyyyy!  I’m back.  I am not making any resolutions, I am making promises.   To me resolutions are the lie you tell yourself with good intent.  A promise is binding and when I make a promise I keep it.

Yes, it is a brand new year which affords change, acceptance and even motivation.  Whatever has caused you to be afraid to step out and make your hopes and dreams a reality needs to receive an eviction notice.  It can be procrastination bound by excuses dealing with time and/or money; it can be doubt and fear of rejection.  It can be people, places or just stuff.  Either way, an eviction notice is in order.  Jeremiah 29:11 says He knows the plans He has for us.  So let’s get out of the way and trust in the process.

Repeat after me…

I issue this eviction notice to negative chatter, fear, lack and whatever else I am allowing to hold my hopes and dreams prisoner.  From this day forth I will work toward not allowing fear to determine my success.  From this day forth I will do something that moves me toward my destiny each and every day.  I promise this to myself!

Now come on ya’ll, let’s get this party started.

Ciao for now…

SoniaJ

I have become addicted to TED Talks.  My new goal is to become a Ted Talk speaker and to maybe even organize a TED TALK event here in Dallas, TX.  Let me explain why I like this venue.  My simple description of what TED TALKS is cliff notes on life.  Some of the speakers are very engaging and the topics range from finding your passion to global warming.   And, the speakers only have eighteen minutes to get their message across.  Are all of the speakers I have seen phenomenal?  No, but they are passionate about their topics.  Passionate… something we should all be about what we do.

Many of you know that I have not been gainfully employed for quite some time.  I have allowed myself to fall into a stress filled existence literally on the verge of begging someone to give me a job, any job.  I want and need to be self-sufficient for me.  But alas, no one was feeling a Black woman of a certain age no matter how great her skill set was.   And do trust that I have a nice set of skills that any executive would benefit from by hiring me.  I know you may be asking “so what has this got to do with being passionate?”    Stick with me, I’m going somewhere with this.

In my stress filled existence, I decided that no job was too lowly for me to accept.  I’d clean toilets if necessary and I’m that woman who would rather pay someone else to clean her own house.  But guess what, I could not even get a job as a bathroom cleaner.   I have a couple of very dear friends who have contracted with me to run errands.  But just how many errands does one person need – especially a self-sufficient woman?  Very, very few.   But I ran the errands and supervised the lawn care provider.    I did get a seasonal job with a company out of Ft. Worth and I also worked a couple of weeks for one of the largest online services in the world.   But none of what I did had anything to do with my passion.  Yes, I said the P word.

Ya’ll know I am good at giving advice.  I love to encourage people to work through their issues or to just have a wonderfully blessed day.  I can listen to someone else’s “stuff” and come up with that thing they need to do to move them forward.   It took me a while to figure out I should be giving myself advice.

Talking is one of the things I love most coming in second only to writing.  So, what was the problem?  If talking and writing are the things you are most passionate about then do it.  Right?  I wish.  The problem is while I was encouraging others, I was not encouraging myself.   I love to speak.  Give me a microphone and I am on it.  I can write.  I know this and I’m passionate about what I write.  Then why not do something with the talking or writing or both?  I was scared.  Scared that I wasn’t good enough.  Scared that I did not have the experience or credentials to consider myself a professional.  I was so deep into self-sabotage that it became my reality.  Then I met Jeffrey.  But more about him later and no, it isn’t a love story.  Well, it kind of is but not in a traditional sense.

Suffice it to say that I am putting fear in its place.  I know you heard fear is just false evidence appearing real.   And it is.  The little nemesis is bolstered by the self-debilitating things we tell ourselves and even the negative chatter we hear from others.  It is self-doubt and criticism.  It is also a big liar.  I personally don’t believe in giving a liar space in my place.  So that fear thing has got to go.

Now if you know me you know I have a lot more to say.  If you don’t know me let me introduce myself – My name is Sonia and I always have a lot to say.  I also know that I need to write less, post more and entice you to follow my blog.  Yes, this is it for today.  But I promise I will be back blogging at least once a week and I really hope you will check my BlogSpot often.  Please, please share it with your friends, families and others.

Just a woman finding her way,

Sonia J

Hello ladies. I have been MIA for a minute. It is not because I haven't had anything to say - most of you know I am hardly ever without something to say.  I've just been trying to figure out this life God has gifted me with. Like many of you I want to do this second part a little bit better than the first part.  Anyway, I'm back!-sj

Somebody quick! WTHGO?

I am a woman of a certain age and frankly I am loving it almost exclusively.  There are, however, a few little nuances that are causing me to reminisce and reflect back on “the good old days”.  Let me stop those of you who want to lambast me for thinking about the good old days in a format that is reminiscent of my own emotional memory. But, that is what this is about – my own emotional remembrance and the lack of estrogen in my life.

It’s simple really. I’m sure many of you reading this will understand where I am coming from as you read on. 

The other morning I was tweaking my locs. They have a tendency to want to make love to one another getting all wrapped up and tangled together if I am not diligent about their grooming.  As I was tweaking and twisting, I noticed a large part in the crown of my head.  A large “part” translates to a “bald spot”.  WTF!!! Now, my hair has always been on the thin side but a bald spot!

You know I went straight to my friend Google to see if I could find out why this was happening.   I mean my locs have grown past my shoulders and look pretty healthy.  So why is it thinning in the top? [taking a deep breath] It is thinning because I am getting older and my estrogen level ain’t what it used to be.   This is one of the nuances I mentioned earlier.

In the good old days my estrogen levels soared. There was no hair on my face that had to be waxed, plucked or shaved weekly.  There was no gray sprigs growing around the edges of my once sandy red mane.  And, most importantly – although less available to public scrutiny, the hair down there was not sparse nor was it the color of salt and pepper.  

Yes, I’m talking about the good old days when my thighs weren’t riddled with dimples (aka cellulite). A time when I could sit Indians style on a concrete floor, stand up and do jumping jacks without my knees locking, screaming and threatening to not function at all.  Back when I could resist the urge to pee until the feeling to release was gone. Now, when I feel the tickle I had better find the nearest restroom or I will be wishing I were wearing Depends.

I want to write a book and scream from the roof tops.  I want to tell young women to get their shiza together now so they can play later.  I want to warn them about all the damage they are doing to their minds and bodies.  And, I want my Marvelously Mature sisters to not only help me spread the word, but to also start taking better care of themselves.

I have so much more to say about this subject but for now I think I’m just going to grab a class of Moscato.  WTHGO?!!

How (and when) Did I Get Here?

 

 I may be the only one, but life has crept up on me in the form of aging.  I know it was just last week I was remarking about how old someone looked – and I wasn’t looking in the mirror either. Seriously, how did I get here and when did I arrive at this destination?

It has taken me a moment to figure out that I have gotten older – and the world has no problem helping me to understand this fact. Case in point: I have been unemployed for over a year. My resume looks great (and I know now to alter said resume depending on the position I am applying for); I have an undergraduate degree and am a thesis away from a graduate degree. My last job provided me the opportunity to meet key players and those players were always applauding my abilities, ethics and overall attitude. I have the makings of a great employee so what is the matter? I’m old.

Not too old for some things and not old enough for others – like the senior discount on major airlines or a stipend from social security. But, I am too old to hire for the positions for which I qualify. My experience and skills are all the rage for that executive seeking someone who can, and will, get the job done. I know how to arrange travel and keep confidential all manner of information. I am loyal, sometimes to a fault and, I believe in doing what it takes to get the job done.

Should I go on? Of course I should.

My children are all adults so I don’t have to take off when someone is ill or out of school. I believe in arriving at work at least thirty minutes ahead of time and overtime is no problem in my world. I will tackle any assignment and most likely be successful in the outcome. I am an effective communicator and a great listener. If you were choosing for your baseball team you wouldn’t pick me first but, if you were choosing for your administrative team I would either be first choice or the captain doing the choosing. In other words, I am good at what I do.

So who wouldn’t want to hire me? Apparently no one does because I have yet to receive a job offer. Plus, in the year and a half that I have been unemployed, I have gone on less than a dozen interviews. What’s up with that?

This is truly my story but it doesn’t end here. Everything I said was true – finding employment has been a task. And it has taken me a moment to figure out that what God has for me may not be what I am asking for. Listen, I prayed for a continual flow of income and I got it. The orders for popcorn, cakes, tree decorating and errands were pouring in. I had, and still have, a continual flow of income just as I asked. So that was great, right? Wrong.

What I prayed for wasn’t exactly what I wanted…

I Was Just Thinking

I know when my world is imploding on me. I can tell just as good when I start to reason and rationalize and even second guess God. I talk out of both sides of my mouth trying to convince myself, and others, that I am okay…cool…never better. In truth I am not okay. I’m good. And, I’m getting better – but, I am not all the way there just yet. I have resorted to thinking that maybe, just maybe I need to reconsider getting back with my ex. This is when I know I am in dire trouble.

Let me expound. There are only a few things that really matter to me. Well, let me say there are only a few things that I will allow to upset my world. One is family; one is church; and one is work – in that order.

Family is good. We have a few stumbling blocks and hurdles but we always manage to reduce mountains to mole hills. Besides, that is the one thing that most people don’t get a choice in deciding on. You can ignore, dislike, cuss out – yes, I said cuss, and you can love them. The last one is probably the hardest part, but hey the greatest of all things is love and that is what it is. Just accept this: you are essentially stuck to family via a bloodline that you cannot get away from.

Now when it comes to church - Yeah, yeah, I know. We often feel led, guided or pulled to the place where we worship. Either the choir, the minister or something about that church drew you into the folds. But no matter how you got there, it was a decision that you participated in. You can stay and be a part of the ministries or not –it is your choice.

Work is like church in many ways – you made the choice – filled out the application and signed on the dotted line. And like church, staying or leaving is your choice. It is one you have to deal it.

Okay, so I said I am good with family. The choices in that matter are limited anyway so I can deal with that.  But when I look at church to me it should almost be like home/family. I’m like Stephanie Mills – that is a place where love should be overflowing not a place of strife and envy.  When church is a battleground I cannot help but to question my motives/reasons for remaining in such an environment.  In so many places we see where churches are falling apart; pastor’s behind the scenes deeds are coming to the light; adultery is part of the status quo and no one wants to say anything – they just continue to go along to get along. My good Lord, please have mercy! What happened to building the kingdom and bringing souls to Christ? God is now green – as in the color of money; and Christ is just an icon where praises are heralded in his general direction never intended to land anywhere near him.
Oh, and I can’t forget to mention work. We spend the majority of our waking hours at work. We live there, we eat there and we socialize there (sometimes).  We applied for the job and now that we have been in place for a while things have begun to change and not always for the better. Stress and jealously and nitpicking become our daily bread. The joy of the job has slowly receded until you don’t even remember ever liking the place.  Managers walk around like they are demigods, or maybe even such a higher authority that they have the right to look down from their perch wielding orders in such a fashion that shows no respect, kindness or empathy. Dear Jesus – what is going on?
When I began penning this I said “my word…imploding…etc…” but the truth of this matter is that it ain’t just my world, it’s a whole lot of people’s worlds. Folk are turning away from the church, falling dead on their jobs and generally living in such a miserable state that they are having breakdowns.  Suddenly we are diagnosed with mental illnesses that were coined a decade ago or have been an old standby for years (bipolar disorder and schizophrenia – just to name a couple).  We have taken God out of the schools, work and sometimes even church and have the nerve to wonder why we are a pill popping, drug addicted society appropriating and approving the most deviant/evil behavior.
I don’t know about you but I’m scared. Scared enough to ask each of you reading this to join me in a community prayer every day at 6:30 a.m.  Let’s pray for our families, churches, places of employment – our world! Let’s pray for not just peace in the Middle East, but peace in our hearts and the hearts of others.

Each of you has your own concerns and prayer needs I’m sure. Feel free to post them and allow others to pray with you.  Matthew 18:20 says “Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am also.” So let’s gather in the name of Christ, the Son of the Living God, and see if we can’t pray and bring about change.

AHA Moments....

There is so much that we already know and aren’t even aware of it. My best friend always says that we are already equipped with everything we need to do what needs to be done. I agreed but with a snarky thought – “then why don’t I have it all?”.  

Recently I have come to realize certain truths that have helped me to gain a new understanding on so many things. Although not the first truth, but the one I find most relevant to everything else is that we need to be imbued with a spiritual maturity. No, I’m not suggesting we have to be old and gray in Christ to get there, but that we will receive an understanding once He knows we are able to handle it.
Much of what I say to others and what I hear/learn for myself is not new news. Often we know it we just don’t take heed, believe or understand it or how it is supposed to work in our lives. Yet once we are mature enough to handle it the veil drops from our eyes and we have our “aha!” moments.
I was researching something for my Bible class because I wanted more clarity. What I found was a story about a man traveling with his young daughter to get supplies for his business. The daughter asked him a question that he did not believe she was mature enough to understand the answer to. What he did was suggest that she take the case of supplies off the train for him. Her response was that the bag was much too heavy for her because she was young, small and not able to handle such a heavy load. With that he explained to her that the answer to her question was much too heavy for her to handle because of the same reasons.

Now, you may not understand where I am coming from, but that was a definite “aha!” moment for me. I thought about my BFF Sherry’s belief that we have all we need to do what we need to do. This story helped me to understand that oftentimes we are not spiritually, emotionally or physically mature enough to handle some things and until we are the veil remains in place –

Personally I am going to try to keep my gratitude journal going. I may have said this before, but I am a blanket prayer. I want to say a prayer, once, and let it cover me for the rest of my life. Some folk think that is the way. I like to remember the Israelites who God gave manna from heaven and told them that there was no need to store it because he would give it to them daily. Besides, does the Bible not say “ask and ye shall receive”? Well, what if something changes after I do my blanket prayer? Do I just let it go or pray again? Me, I’m praying daily and all through the day.